Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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