by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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