mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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