I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
