We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize