i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize