I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
