he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
