woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
