i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How's work?
Spinning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
