I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
