I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
