OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize