got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
