Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize