Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
