maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Boobs speak an international language.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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