I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
