I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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