Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
