Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
