As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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