Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize