Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
