She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
