youre lurking in front of me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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