I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
