glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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