the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
