DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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