Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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