Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
