Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
