He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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