My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
