i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
