did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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