my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
