I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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