What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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