The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
