Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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