He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
