Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
