after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
is that a dick in a sweater?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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