so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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