Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
