Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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