I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
