That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
