Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
