Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
