Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
