You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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