I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
