I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
