i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
