New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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