Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
