I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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