Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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