he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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