It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
