Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
