thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
