dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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