Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want nice things and good sex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
