There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
