Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
