2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
