Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
