There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
