he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
