hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I looked at my own cervix.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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