he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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