Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
