After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
