okay pat passed out under dana's car
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize