i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
