in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
