someone threw a dead crab at me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
