I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
