woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
