oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
