Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
