So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
