you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
