Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
