You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize