i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
