it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
