I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My ATM looks so different sober.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize