I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
