so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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