My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
