so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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