I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
