There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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